Her eyes slowly opened and she smiled when she found herself still wrapped in his arm. She moved her up to look over his large frame and saw that while the room was completely dark, the sun had already risen. She snuggled closely to him and relished at the feel of his cool flesh on hers. She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed in deeply. The mornings she woke up next him were always made her feel safe and comforted. Pulling away slightly, she brushed a stray lock of hair out of his gorgeous face. Even though she couldn't see every tiny detail, she knew he looked as gorgeous as ever. That was the thing about Eric. He was gorgeous and he knew it. He would be dead to the world for the rest of the day.She smiled as she thought of the events from the night before. A frown began to etch itself across her lips as she recalled something. A moment, one she had missed or forgotten. The frown deepening as the realization of which moment was plaguing her. Doubt began to flood her, regret coursing its way through her veins as she wondered why.
Why could he say the words she longed to hear only when they were fighting? The first time she had said them without be prodded and all he could reply was "Thank you, Sookie" She scowled as the doubt began to seep into her heart, her head.
What if he didn't love her? What if... Shaking her head, she chided herself for doubting him. Of course he loved her. Didn't he? Her mind recalled a thousand glances, touches, kisses...
Eric had always made fun of Bill for being willing to verbalize his emotions towards her. And truthfully, here, in the dark room next to him, she wished he was like Bill. Eric never seemed to get just how important it was to hear those words. She didn't expect them all the time, but surely, the night before...
She sighed loudly, not even worrying about disturbing him. He would never hear the sigh, he would never even know... her mind stopped working for a moment as she wanted to kick herself. Eric would know. He would know the moment he awoke that she was upset, disappointed, doubting him, worried... a dozen adjectives that couldn't even fully justify exactly what it was she felt inside.
This was the downside of being bonded. Her feelings weren't her own... Eric had an all access pass to everything she felt. Sighing again, she sat up in the bed and leaned against the headboard. The real question lingering in the air was: Did she honestly care if he knew she was hurt? Of course she cared if she hurt him or upset him. But she never had been one to hide her emotions. And, yet, with Eric... it seemed as if she always was trying to.
She loved him, more than she ever did Bill. She'd known it for sometime now. Deep down, she was sure she had always known it. Something about him pulled at her. Something in her felt like she belonged with him. She had always found him attractive, even from the moment their eyes first locked. She'd felt something stir in her, the heated gaze and... Now she sounded like a silly school girl, doodling Mrs. So-SO for replacing her last name with the name of her latest crush.
Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and slowly released it. Did she doubt his feelings for her? Yes. Did she regret last night? Her fingers brushed lightly over his cool cheek and she knew her answer. No. Last night had been exactly what she wanted. She had wanted to give in, needed to for weeks. It was only her desire to have it truly only be because it was what they both wanted that had stopped them the week before.
She hated telling him know, watching him become hurt and angry, doubting her own feelings for him. But she didn't want to bond just because Andre might be a threat. Why couldn't he see that? Understand that? She stroked his hair as her mind threw out a thousand scenarios. She had done what was right for her. She took a leap of faith and all she could do was hope it wasn't a foolish one. She swore she would never repeat what she had done a few months earlier.
Removing her memories had been the stupidest thing she had ever done (with the exception of Roman's birthday present). She knew she had only done what she had thought was best for her own heart. The heart that shattered at the thought that she meant nothing more than a job to him. Sighing once more, she leaned over and kissed his lips softly before sliding out of bed. She was talking herself into circles and it was definitely not getting her anywhere.
As she turned on the bathroom light, she gazed back on his still form as the light flooded into the room. He really was gorgeous. She offered him a small smile, even though he never would see it, nor could he ever know what it meant. She was still hurt, disappointed, doubtful...etc. But she knew one thing for sure as she was finally able to move her gaze from him and shut the bathroom door. She loved him...
