Just a Barside Chat...

Her feet were slowly moving across the bar as she stopped by the front entrance to lock the door and turn off the "Merlotte's" sign, located on the roof to the bar. She couldn't help but yawn. Her hand instinctively going to cover her mouth as she did. The bar was empty, she was the last one left.

The knowledge of heading home for the evening couldn't even comfort her. What with her home being unlivable and the looming one hour drive to Eric's before her. Sighing she turns off the lights in the bar area and makes her way into the office. Her mind murky, filled with so many random thoughts that she felt as if she were wading through a thick marsh. All she wanted, at the moment, was sleep.

Grabbing her purse, from the bottom drawer of Sam's desk, she couldn't help but be reminded of the conversation she had in the office the previous evening. Sookie had awoke the previous morning to a text from Sam. He had asked if she'd be willing to watch over the bar while he had to go out of town for a family emergency. She wasn't exactly sure what was wrong... Sam never really discussed his family.

Sookie hadn't really planned on going into Merlotte's on her night off. But after the fire and the horrible Thanksgiving, she wanted a sense of normalcy. It was the one thing Eric's home didn't offer her. That sense of familiarity just wasn't there. She actually welcome the onslaught of thoughts that bombarded her as she stepped into the bar.

She made her way to the bar and proceeded to try and act cordial. Things were awkward between them, they had been ever since Bill... Sookie wasn't sure exactly what it was that Tara had a problem with Vampires, but she just didn't like them at all. When Tara asked to speak to her in Sam's office, Sookie immediately knew it was going to be about Eric. What she hadn't expected was Tara's sudden outburst before she even had a chance to close the door.

Sook, I know you're thinking it's best but.. this is CRAZY!

It took everything Sookie had to force herself out of her friend's head. She startled and confused by the outburst that she couldn't help but to ask:

What's crazy?

Her anger began to build as Tara questioned her decision to live with Eric and Hunter's safety. The more Tara pushed the issue, the angrier Sookie became. She was appalled her friend could be so closed-minded, would think so little of her. She tried to no avail to refute Tara's claims. Her face pained as she tried to explain.

You can't understand because you can't feel him like I can, Tara. Because you believe he can't feel, but he does feel. For me, for Hunter. He only wants me to be happy. We have bonded. It's not a full bond, but I have had his blood as well... It was done freely. I made that decision. He doesn't use me as a feeder. It's not like that with Eric and I. It's like a commitment.

Sookie couldn't help but imagine Tara's eyes bugging out... almost like a cartoons as she processed what she had just been told.

Commitment!? Like a prenup away from marriage?!

Sookie watched for a moment as Tara rose and pulled out a bottle scotch a fixed a drink. She hated the fact her best friend resorted to drinking. Sighing softly, Sookie tried to explain that Eric and her were just a couple. That they had even been discussing moving in together for several months... well Eric had. Sookie had refused at every step. But all that did was push Tara to her breaking point and she proceeded to storm out of the office, leaving Sookie feeling hurt and abandoned.

Sookie made her way out of the bar, the hurt clearly written on her face as she ducked her head. The following evening wasn't any easier for her as she worked her station. Mondays during football season were always busy. She knew Eric was off that night and thought it might be a good idea for Hunter and him to come down for a bit. Immediately, she began to question that decision when Hunter asked for a Tru:Blood. She tried as calmly as she could to explain that the blood substitute wasn't something he needed. This only led to him exclaiming he wanted to grow up and be a Vampire like Eric. Perhaps out of sheer shock, or maybe out surprise, she glared at Eric as she tried to sway the young boy.

A soft smile crossed her lips as Hunter explained his reason for wanting to be a Vampire was so he could marry her. Once she explained that they couldn't marry, but that they would always be family she figured the entire subject would be dropped. For the most part, it had been. But it was then that Hunter focused his sweet little face on Eric and asked:

Eric, are you going to marry my Aunt Sookie?

Sookie could feel her cheeks redden and then when Eric's reply was yes, her eyes turned to him, full of question. Surely, she had misheard him? Or perhaps he was teasing? Before she could respond Tara stormed out of the bar. Sookie was so angered, she went after her. Tara's word having no affect on her this time as she proclaimed:

That's it! Tara, get ONE thing straight. I love Eric and that's not going to change. You think my being with him settling? I am not settling. I want to be with him. Eric makes me happy and obviously even Hunter is happy... so please give Eric a real chance. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

After once again being insulted about her ability to make her own decisions, Sookie walked away. Tears filling her eyes, though she tried to hide them, especially from Eric. But it had grown late and Hunter needed to be taken home. She kissed her boys goodbye with a promise that she and Eric were in need of a discussion. They knew it would have to wait until the next evening. She was due first thing at the bar and would need every moment of sleep she could get, but she couldn't help but think of his answer... Did Eric really want to marry her...

Pulling into the driveway, she sighed softly before turning off the car and removing the key from the ignition. Leaving the paperwork on the passenger seat, she locks the doors and makes her way inside. Smiling as she enters the kitchen, finding Eric heating up a Tru:Blood. The assumption of the exhaustion scrawled across her face, confirmed as his drink is forgotten and he scoops her up into his arms. Kissing her brow softly, he makes his way into the bedroom. Easing her out of her clothing before placing her amongst the mass of covers. Slipping into the bed next to her, his arms pulling her warm body flush with his in a gentle yet protective manner. Whispering softly to her as her heavy eyelids betray her and sleep takes her under its wing. His words never registering with her...

From the Rubble, It will Rise

Sookie woke the morning after Thanksgiving with a heavy heart. The night before had been short of a natural disaster. She still couldn't believe how rude Tara had been to Eric. Snuggling closer in his arms, the thought of his face at Tara's comments, left her haunted. She had felt his anger and she knew he appreciated her defense of him. But for the life her, she couldn't figure out how two of the most important people in her life, couldn't get along.

She was in love with Eric. She'd do anything to protect him and longed for every moment with him. Tara was her best friend and basically had been since the first day of Kindergarten. Back then, her "disability" was near impossible to control and was overwhelming. When Hadley and her friends began picking on her, it was Tara who came to her defense. Being one of the only three black children in school, Hadley and her friends were somewhat shocked by this act. But Sookie was forever thankful for her friend... her sister. So why could they not come to an understanding? Some mutual ground and just be civil.

Slipping out of the bed, she made her way around the darkened room and fumbled her way through the process of dressing. She had only gotten some basic clothing after the fire. She felt the moment Hunter awoke, sending him a Good morning, Hunter, before making her way to the bathroom to finish getting ready. It was fairly early, but the drive to Bon Temps took nearly an hour and she had wanted to ensure she arrived before everyone else.

Heading into the kitchen, Sookie started a pot of coffee and poured Hunter a bowl of cereal. Her soft smile greeting him as he stumbled into the kitchen, his tousled hair and Spider Man pajamas clear evidence of how recently he had woken.

Did you sleep well?

Her thoughts directed at him as she pulls a mug from the cabinet. She always enjoyed their morning routine. As much as she longed to spend time with Eric during the day, his presence would only allow him access to the knowledge of the one of the few secrets she kept from him. It wasn't her lack of trust in Eric, that refrained her from confiding in him. It was her fear that eventually others would learn of Hunter's "disability" and what they would do to him.

I guess. Sky keeps whining at night. I think he misses Midnight.

His thoughts were laced with sadness and she couldn't help but scoop him up into her arms. She too, had been worried about the nearly black kitten they had rescued from the animal shelter. But the sight of Hunter curled up on the couch, sobbing into Sky's fur the night before had broken her heart. Offering him a small reassuring smile, she thought:

We will find him. Now, eat your breakfast while I get your clothes ready and we'll drive home to find him, okay?

His head nodding solemnly as he eases into a chair and picks up his spoon. Pressing her lips to his forehead, she can't help but pray that she is right about the kitten. Heading into the guest bedroom that he now was using as his own, she couldn't help thinking he had been through way too much in the past year. He had never known his mother. Hadley had been a wild child. Men, alcohol and drugs had been her life. Sookie had been surprised to find Hadley had settled down long enough to marry and have a child before practically enslaving herself to Sophie-Anne LeClerq, the Vampire Queen of Louisiana. Hunter's father, Remy had disappeared during the summer. Hunter couldn't even recall how he had found his way into Merlotte's and Sookie couldn't help but fear the worst for Remy.

After setting out an outfit for Hunter, she grabbed her coat and Sky's leash. She knew Eric was worried about her safety, but who would know to find her there? Walking him around the block, she breathed the cool November deeply as the wiggling puppy pulled on the leash and tried to walk circles around her legs. Once back at the house, she and Hunter piled into her car, their destination her now damaged home.

Making her way down the familiar Hummingbird Rd and turning into her drive, she was startled by the sight of the house. She had seen it the morning after the fire, but she didn't think she would ever get use to seeing it in the state it was. The windows blackened with smoke and moisture, made her once, comfortable safe haven seem almost daunting. She had been instructed not to enter the house until the fire inspector and insurance agent had given her approval.

As she exited the car, she was pleased to her the soft cries of Midnight from under the front porch. Hunter ran from the car and scooped up the frightened kitten. Tears swelled up in her eyes as she watched his face light up with joy and relief. At that very moment, she heard the crunch of gravel as a pick-up truck made its way down the drive.

Greg Aubert was a middle aged man, who served as an elder in the local Presbyterian Church. He had been her Gran's agent for twenty years and it was by her example, that Sookie continued to maintain the same coverage on the house, no matter how often money became tight. His sandy blond hair and clear blue eyes, covered by rimless glasses, gave the Agent the appearance of being an average man. But one look into his thoughts and Sookie was surprised he carried a secret.

Aunt Sookie, what's a witch?

Hunter's voice rang out from behind her and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Greg's face paling at the question. Great, she thought, not only does everyone know about me, but soon, they'll know about Hunter. Greg had paused just a few feet shy of her, his hand half-way extended.

So it's true? You can do... his voice trembling softly, what they say and so can he? His head nodding in the direction of Hunter. Fear coursing through my veins, I nod slightly, gathering every ounce of strength I have as I keep my voice calm and steady.

And you are a witch?

He shifted his stance uncomfortably, his hand moving up to run through his hair as his gaze dropped to my feet. The entire story playing through his head, almost as if I were watching a movie. Images of a woman, who I could only assume was his mother sneaking behind his father's back to pass on the knowledge of the power she possessed, to their son. The extent of just why he was known as being so lucky and how he used spells as a way to back up his insurance claims.

Sookie stood there in awe. She had never met a witch before. Sure she had met the wannabes. The ones who wore all black, never bathed and were "Wiccan" as they had put it. But a real, honest-to-God witch? She was so overwhelmed, she eased onto the top step of the porch before speaking. After several moments of uncomfortable conversation, he led her in through the front door of the house.

The first thing she noticed was the smell. The air around them was heavy with the smell of smoke. She cringed at the thought of all the work she would have to put in, just to clean the sturdy parts of the house. The furniture, the linings, their clothes... it was going to take a lot to clean up the majority of the house. Greg, Hunter and I opened the windows throughout the safe portion of the house, in hopes it would help diminish the wet smokey smell. Most of the house was in fairly good condition. But the kitchen and porch needed to be completely replaced.

All of the major appliances would have to be replaced, as evident since both her water heater and washer were now residing halfway through the floor board. The entire east side of the kitchen was destroyed. Her eyes fell upon the window above the sink and her heart broke. Hanging there in tattered shreds, were the remnants of the curtains her Gran had spent several hours to make. It was the loss of items like the curtains, a set of fine china and other relics of her family's history that was tearing her up inside. Things that were irreplaceable... their value lay in the memories and history.

Once their tour through the house was complete, Greg went over all the details of the upcoming steps. How much her coverage would entitle her to, the amount of the deductible and the time frame in which she would have to wait to receive the funds. She knew she would have to contact a contractor to come and give her an estimate, but even with the remains of the Dallas money in her account, she was pretty sure she'd have to take out a loan. She hated the idea of borrowing money or even selling some of the land that was in her name, but it was better than her other option... Eric.

They'd been together long enough for her to know he'd help her. But she couldn't... no... wouldn't go there. She could take care of this on her own. Even if it meant extra shifts at Merlotte's and going without extras, she would make sure she made her way through this ordeal on her own. She placed the stack of insurance paperwork onto the passenger seat before buckling up. Her mind a million miles away, worrying about how all of this was going to work out and praying silently for the strength to keep from breaking down. She eased out of her drive way, looking one final time at the image in the review mirror, a sharp pain in her heart at the picture of her house, her home... tarnished and in a sense broken.

A Thankless Thanksgiving

Waving goodbye to Jason and Tara as they pulled out of the driveway, her smile fell. Shaking her head, she closed the front door, a sigh escaping her lips.

That was horrible.

As if the fire hadn't been enough to ruin her Thanksgiving. Inhaling deeply, she closed her eyes as she leaned back against the door. What had she been thinking. She knew good and well about Tara's distaste for Eric... for ALL Vampires and yet, she didn't think twice about inviting her over. She loved Tara like a sister and for the life of her, she couldn't fathom why Tara couldn't just accept Eric. He had never done anything to warrant her snide remarks. Sookie had been appalled by Tara's blatantly obvious display of discontent for him.

She understood how it might be uncomfortable to eat around a Vampire... she had experienced it herself. But did Tara really have to be so rude. She knew Tara and her were in dire need of a VERY long and thorough conversation about Eric... Surely, Tara would try harder if she realized Eric loved Sookie... wouldn't she?

Shrugging slightly, she makes her way to the kitchen and sighs as she begins to put away the leftovers. Covering the food with foil and sliding it onto the shelves of the fridge, she was reminded of how unfamiliar this place was to her. Sure, she had been to Eric's house before. Several times, actually. But this wasn't home to her... Tears swelled up in her eyes as she recalled how her house... her home looked. She hadn't yet been inside... but the outside was blackened and the kitchen was clearly in need of being replaced.


She didn't know what was worse... the image of the house in flames, as she had seen them just two nights prior after a long night at work... or the results of those flames.

Placing the last of the leftovers in the fridge, she closes the door and rests her head against its cool metal. She had to be strong. Hunter depended on her for it. But somehow she was struggling to find that strength within her. The destruction to her home had left her... shattered. She knew everyone would expect her to be the same cheerful Sookie she had always been... and she would try... for their sakes. But she knew in her heart... this holiday season was going to be hell for her.

Normally, she would be setting up there Christmas tree right now. The night of Thanksgiving marking the beginning of the Christmas season. In all the years she had lived with her Gran, they had always gone on Thanksgiving night, after dinner and gotten a live tree... a tradition that had held steady for eighteen years... until last year...

The reminder of her first Christmas without Gran only further broke Sookie's heart. Nothing could have prepared her for that experience. Jason had tried his best to make up the difference... but he was never good at the things that reminded Sookie most of Gran... the baking... the decorating of the tree...

Sighing loudly, she moves from the fridge and starts to fill the sink with dish water. She couldn't do this... she wouldn't allow herself to wallow.

Get it together, Sookie.

She would do whatever it took to make this Christmas special for Hunter... for herself. This was her first Christmas with Hunter... hell, with Eric, for that matter. She knew he probably didn't celebrate the holiday and was actually nervous about asking if she could decorate his home for it. But the image of Hunter curled up with Sky on the couch, sobbing into the puppy's fur, filled her head and she knew she had to. She hated seeing him so lost... scared. She wanted him to know that no matter what, she would be there for him. She loved him... not only because he was her cousin... but because, in a way... he was like a son to her.

The images of the fire... it's destruction... Gran... and Hunter were overwhelming her. The tears in her eyes swelling up and over, streaming down her cheeks. Her hands moving over the dishes in an almost automatic way as she cried...

That's how Eric found her, when he returned home. Sobbing as she scrubbed the last of the dishes. It pained him to see her like this. He was always discomforted to see her "leaking", as he called it. He quickly and smoothly made his way across the kitchen and pulled her to him.

"Shh"

His cool voice whispered against her ear as his hands rubbed along her back in a soothing motion. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, his mere presence easing some of the anxiety she was feeling. He had that affect on her. For a while she had thought it was the bond. But those weeks without her memories... without their bond... it didn't matter. Eric had that affect on her. Her heart had ached for him... for the loss she felt... even when she didn't remember him. She loved him and standing there with wet soapy hands, she was once again reminded of how much she did.

He knew better than to inquire about what was bothering her. He knew she was shaken up by the fire. She had taken the threat to her very existence so lightly and reality had smacked her in the face for it. Nonetheless, he hated to see her this way... hated the way it made him feel... the bond giving him insight to her emotions...to the pain she was feeling. His big arms scooped her up and carried her into his bedroom. He laid her gently onto the bed, before sliding in and pulling her close. Her sobs, wetting his shirt as he held her. The tears never ending until she was pulled under by the darkness of sleep.

Describe something that has made you happy.

-smiles- Can I name a few? @EricNorthman @HunterSavoySC ... my friends... just to name a few.

I can read your mind, care to know what's on mine?

Makeover

So as you can tell, I have had a makeover. I understand this may cause many to become upset. Unfortunately, this is a decision that was thought over thoroughly before being made and I can only hope to have the same continued support of my friends and followers. Other than my new look, SookieSC will remain the same.

Since my character is a book Sookie and not a show Sookie, I do not believe it is wrong for me to use another avi other than Anna Paquin-Moyer. I have no affiliation with HBO, the creator of True Blood, or Charlaine Harris. My human is merely a fan of the books and show, who happens to enjoy role playing.So my desire to change is my decision alone. Please respect and support my decision.

~SookieSC

Rebonding and Regrets

Her eyes slowly opened and she smiled when she found herself still wrapped in his arm. She moved her up to look over his large frame and saw that while the room was completely dark, the sun had already risen. She snuggled closely to him and relished at the feel of his cool flesh on hers. She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed in deeply. The mornings she woke up next him were always made her feel safe and comforted. Pulling away slightly, she brushed a stray lock of hair out of his gorgeous face. Even though she couldn't see every tiny detail, she knew he looked as gorgeous as ever. That was the thing about Eric. He was gorgeous and he knew it. He would be dead to the world for the rest of the day.

She smiled as she thought of the events from the night before. A frown began to etch itself across her lips as she recalled something. A moment, one she had missed or forgotten. The frown deepening as the realization of which moment was plaguing her. Doubt began to flood her, regret coursing its way through her veins as she wondered why.

Why could he say the words she longed to hear only when they were fighting? The first time she had said them without be prodded and all he could reply was "Thank you, Sookie" She scowled as the doubt began to seep into her heart, her head.

What if he didn't love her? What if... Shaking her head, she chided herself for doubting him. Of course he loved her. Didn't he? Her mind recalled a thousand glances, touches, kisses...

Eric had always made fun of Bill for being willing to verbalize his emotions towards her. And truthfully, here, in the dark room next to him, she wished he was like Bill. Eric never seemed to get just how important it was to hear those words. She didn't expect them all the time, but surely, the night before...

She sighed loudly, not even worrying about disturbing him. He would never hear the sigh, he would never even know... her mind stopped working for a moment as she wanted to kick herself. Eric would know. He would know the moment he awoke that she was upset, disappointed, doubting him, worried... a dozen adjectives that couldn't even fully justify exactly what it was she felt inside.

This was the downside of being bonded. Her feelings weren't her own... Eric had an all access pass to everything she felt. Sighing again, she sat up in the bed and leaned against the headboard. The real question lingering in the air was: Did she honestly care if he knew she was hurt? Of course she cared if she hurt him or upset him. But she never had been one to hide her emotions. And, yet, with Eric... it seemed as if she always was trying to.

She loved him, more than she ever did Bill. She'd known it for sometime now. Deep down, she was sure she had always known it. Something about him pulled at her. Something in her felt like she belonged with him. She had always found him attractive, even from the moment their eyes first locked. She'd felt something stir in her, the heated gaze and... Now she sounded like a silly school girl, doodling Mrs. So-SO for replacing her last name with the name of her latest crush.

Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and slowly released it. Did she doubt his feelings for her? Yes. Did she regret last night? Her fingers brushed lightly over his cool cheek and she knew her answer. No. Last night had been exactly what she wanted. She had wanted to give in, needed to for weeks. It was only her desire to have it truly only be because it was what they both wanted that had stopped them the week before.

She hated telling him know, watching him become hurt and angry, doubting her own feelings for him. But she didn't want to bond just because Andre might be a threat. Why couldn't he see that? Understand that? She stroked his hair as her mind threw out a thousand scenarios. She had done what was right for her. She took a leap of faith and all she could do was hope it wasn't a foolish one. She swore she would never repeat what she had done a few months earlier.

Removing her memories had been the stupidest thing she had ever done (with the exception of Roman's birthday present). She knew she had only done what she had thought was best for her own heart. The heart that shattered at the thought that she meant nothing more than a job to him. Sighing once more, she leaned over and kissed his lips softly before sliding out of bed. She was talking herself into circles and it was definitely not getting her anywhere.

As she turned on the bathroom light, she gazed back on his still form as the light flooded into the room. He really was gorgeous. She offered him a small smile, even though he never would see it, nor could he ever know what it meant. She was still hurt, disappointed, doubtful...etc. But she knew one thing for sure as she was finally able to move her gaze from him and shut the bathroom door. She loved him...

Runaway

She had been sleeping so heavily when the phone on her night stand began to ring. Groaning as she fumbled in the dark, her voice reflected the extent of her deep sleep. "Hello?" The deep voice on the other end of the phone was more than familiar to her, but due to her still being heavily under the veil of sleep, Eric's words barely registered with her. "Sookie, Andre has arrived. I would feel better about your safety, if you would stay with me, at least for a while. I will be on my way shortly. Pack quickly."

The impact of the words, dulled in her hazy state, as she sits up. "Huh" Confusion, filling her head and radiating through her voice, "You'd feel safer if I stayed with you?" Thinking, that couldn't possibly have been what he said. His voice echoed his frustration at the situation at hand as he replied, "I don't trust him not to come to you..." She froze slightly during his pause, only to grimace at his next words. "He's hired Roman to be his enforcer. This isn't good."

The reminder of quite possibly, the worst decision she had ever made, left her stomach in knots. "They can't get into my house, right? They can't suddenly glamour me, can they? The sleepy haze lifting as she realizes the idea of leaving her own house, seemed a bit extreme. When the person or persons to be wary of, can't enter as a result of some mystical force that prevents them, why should she leave?

Disapproval sounded in his voice and she knew perhaps she had struck a nerve. He clearly expected her to just jump into action at his words. Her lack of response was clearly having an effect on him. "Sookie, please..." His words were stern, yet silently pleading for her compliance. "He's crafty and the biker is just stupid enough to figure out a way in. Stay with me." She hated to hear him worry and was too exhausted to argue with him. "Eric..." sighing softly, "Fine, I will get Hunter ready."

"Good, I'll be there within the hour. Be safe, Sookie" The phone then went quiet. She was a bit taken back by how quickly he ended their call, she had to refrain from muttering, "Of course, I apologize for calling and waking you up." It was only the knowledge that he truly was concerned, that motivated her to climb out of bed and set to work on packing two bags. Once finished, she climbed Hunter's bed. Carefully, she curled up next to the sleeping boy and fell asleep. Knowing Eric would wake her once he arrived, she fell back into the same dreamless state she had been in.

A Night in Dallas...

Sookie: -Heads back into the bathroom, puts in my earbuds and pressing play on my Zune, before sliding into the water and relaxing-

Eric: -finishes up the calls and puts his phone to the bedside table before stepping into the bathroom, smiling at the view-

Sookie: -opens my eyes and noticing you staring- Something I can help you with?

Eric: Shhhhh..-points to his own ears, letting her know she doesn't have to shout over her own music to make him hear her-

Sookie: -Removes the earbuds hastily with a small apologetic smile- Opps! I'm sorry.

Eric: -smiles fondly- But yes...you can help me..answer me this..Do you even know what a darling you are?

Sookie: -reaches to put my earbuds next to my Zune, but pauses a bit confused- Darling? -chuckles as I put them down- Wasn't aware I was one...- a look of amusement on my face-

Eric: -kneels beside the tub letting his cool fingers trail along in the hot water - my point exactly.

Sookie: -looks into your eyes, still unsure of what you are talking about- Umm...okay? -a hint of doubt lacing my words-

Eric: -lays his head on the side of the tub gazing at her- You're so...good Sookie. Its..addictive..What ARE you Sookie Stackhouse?

Sookie: -frowns and shifts uncomfortably, always hates being asked that- I don't know what you are talking about...-confused by his words- I'm just...me. -shrugs-

Eric: -lazy smile, dropping it for now- Want me to wash your back?

Sookie: -frowning at the sudden change in subject- Eric...-pausing and deciding I'm too tired to fight, I nod quietly-

Eric: -soaps up the poof and washes her bare back gently-

Sookie: -rests my arms on the tub and lays my head on them, my eyes half open as I relax- Mmmm -I sigh softly-

Eric: -rinses her off before standing an unfolding a giant towel, holding it open for her-

Sookie: -stands and allows you to wrap the towel around me- You are certainly accommodating tonight -I tease with a small smirk-

Eric: -grins- oh I have ulterior motives...I sookie am NOT A darling. -dries her-

Sookie: -chuckles and notices you are being extremely thorough with your drying- You? Ulterior motives? -smirks- Never would have thought that was ever possible...

Eric: -fangs as his fingers run lightly over her bare skin- yes..its true.

Sookie: -hangs up the towel and turns around a smile creeping across my face as I see your fangs- Is there something you want? -chuckles- Because if so, you are going to have to ask. I'm not a mind-reader -realizes what I said and laughs- Ok I am...but you know what I meant.

Eric: -grins at her faux pas before pulling her naked body close and nuzzling his nose to her ear- I want to taste you Sookie in every possible way..will you let me?

Sookie: -my breath catches as he pulls me near, my heart starts racing as I hear his words- Every possible way? -gulping slightly, my mind going blank and getting stuck on stupid as my body clearly wants for nothing more than him-

Eric: -lazy smirk- I take that as a yes...-picks her up easily and carries her to the bed, lays her to her back before once again getting to his knees at the edge of the bed. Pulls her to him, fangs ready to taste....all of her

Sookie: -keeps my eyes locked with his, biting my lip as I feel his fangs brush the inside of my thigh- Please do it...-I say, the anticipation overwhelming as my legs tremble slightly-

Eric: -instead of biting, his mouth finds the warm softness between her legs, and assaults her primaly with a growl as he pleasures her with his lips, tongue and fangs-

Sookie: -tries to maintain my gaze locked with his, but is soon too overcome with pleasure as my hands tangle themselves in his hair and my head thrown back in ecstasy, torn between not wanting him to stop and wanting even more of him-

Eric: -continues devouring the most intimate parts of her until he feels her shiver and pulse beneath his mouth, grins as he pulls himself up onto the bed, covering her body with his own, filling her easily and completely, driving himself deep inside while she still writhes in her afterglow-

Sookie: -gasps with pleasure as he enters me, bringing my still shaky legs to wrap around his waist and pull him closer. My nails digging into his back as he fills me completely, pressing my mouth hard against his as a moan escapes my lips-

Eric: -back arches with the sweet pain of her nails and he growls softly against her mouth as he reaches for the light tight shade-

A Moment of Weakness...

Sookie: -eyes open slowly and I smile at the feel of your arms around me. remembering what I did, I am overcome with guilt and try to slip quietly out of bed and head towards the shower-

Eric: -arms tighten around her, keeping her firmly in place as his nose nuzzles into her hair, his body suddenly going rigid- Sookie...

Sookie: -going really still as I close my eyes and put on a tight smile- Good morning Eric. -trying to keep my emotions in check-

Eric: -frowns as he sits up on one elbow- why do you smell of Bill Compton?...

Sookie: -thinking "Damn it" and my smiles falters completely- I don't know...-looking guilty as I bite my lip-

Eric: -frowns- you don't know? or you don't know why you're lying to me? -sits up fully, leaning against the head board-

Sookie: -smh and getting up from the bed and heading towards the bathroom to avoid this conversation, racked with guilt-

Eric: -frowns as he watches her, the bruises fresh on her skin- Sookie...-sits up, feet on the floor-

Sookie: -reaches for the bathroom door and pauses, a sad- Yes? -escapes my lips as I sigh-

Eric: -snarls- did Bill do that to you? -knows she'll know what he's talking about-

Sookie: -looks down to my arms and sees the bruises are much worse after last night and nods- He was upset with me...and Pam.

Eric: -raises his head and looks at the wall that faces the guest room- @Pam_SSC is here...-looks back- why is Pam here?

Sookie: -drops my hand from the door knob and turns to look at you with a sigh and a shrug- I think she came to see you, but she stepped in when Bill got angry...

Eric: -brows furrowed- and just why did Bill get angry? -just saying the name making him frown further-

Sookie: -lowers my head- Because I told him, I wasn't his. -smh- He thought just because... -snapping my mouth close-

Eric: -watches her intensely- just because?..spit it out Sookie, you know I hate these word games almost as much as I hate Bill Compton

Sookie: -closes my eyes and taking a deep breath before I say softly- Just because I slept with him.

Eric: -watches her, realizing that she means more than just in the past, narrows his eyes in question-

Sookie: -still looking down, tears coming to my eyes- I don't know what happened.. I didn't mean for it to happen. -full of guilt-

Eric: -blinks at the tears, hating the way she leaks and the way it makes him feel, speaks through gritted teeth- what do you mean?

Sookie: -tears falling over my cheeks as I put my hands to my face- I'm saying I had sex with Bill and when I told him I wasn't his, he got angry. -smh and crying-

Eric: -looks at her, not wanting to believe what she's trying to tell him- this was...last night?

Sookie: -nods and cries harder-

Eric: -sneers a little- I see....Compton has become foolishly brave in his pursuit of you. I'll have to remedy that.

Sookie: -blinks confused, tears still falling down my cheeks- What...what do you mean? -trying to control my voice but failing-

Eric: -fangy sneer- he's playing on your weakened emotions..and playing with fire. -does not want to blame her....not yet-

Sookie: -smh and crying- I...I'm sorry. -feeling ashamed and disgusted at myself-

Eric: -clearly angry- and your roll in this? I assume you didn't just....lay there?

Sookie: -stunned almost like I have been slapped- I...-stammering through tearful sobs- What is it you want me to say? You want details? -disgusted at the thought-

Eric: -fangs as he hisses at her- YES..did he instigate it or did you? And don't you dare cry to me.

Sookie: -expected him to be mad, but getting angry- You think I would instigate something with him? -my voice growing stern and full of disgust- You think so low of me, that you think I would hop out of bed with you and into bed with him on purpose?

Eric: -snaps- so you accidentally fucked him? Fucking..is no accident! I don't buy the fact that you slipped and fell on Compton's dick!

Sookie: -angered- Now I get it, I fucked up. But how dare you talk to me like that! -fist clenched- Why do you even fucking care?

Eric: -hisses- Because Compton has no right to touch you!

Sookie: Who the hell are you to say who can touch me? -raising my voice louder-

Eric: -fangy sneer- we are talking about you Sookie, not me. There is a difference.

Sookie: -throws my hands up in the air- Of course! How could I fucking forget? It's okay for you to blame Bill for what happened in Jackson....tell me this. What were you doing while I was locked in the trunk with him? And don't bother lying.

Eric: -snarls- taking my revenge..

Sookie: Oh that is rich. Act like a white knight in shining armor after I get home, because you figure, she'll never know...she's just a silly little human. Well guess what buddy, I know exactly what you were doing. So I guess I'm pot and you're kettle guess it doesn't matter which, because they are both Black!

Eric: -frowns, looks at her as if she's completely lost her mind- do you care to explain to me just what exactly it is you're accusing me of Sookie? -isn't sure however he honestly wants to know-

Sookie: -tosses you http://bit.ly/9g8P7L and http://twitpic.com/2d05f4 - Guess I see just how much you care about me...-tilts head- You can feel when I am in trouble, but instead you just let him rape me and nearly drain me so you could go fuck around!

Eric: -eyes flash at the photos, is hissing and fangy when he looks back to her- you are such a blind little human fool if you think this -shakes the pictures- is what I was doing while you were in danger!

Sookie: And you a fucking idiot Vampire, if you think I didn't catch you comment about leftovers the other night. -rolls eyes- Why does it even matter who I sleep with? You fuck anyone you want. I made a mistake in sleeping with Bill, but you have no right to fucking say a word about it. I'm not yours. We aren't together and you have done nothing to change that fact!
Eric: -growls- I've done everything to change that fact but you've fought me the entire way..

Sookie: -smh- You've done nothing! You just assume I will do what you want. You push and pull me around at your will and get mad when I put my foot down. You've insulted me by making it seem like I'm so stupid "fangbanger" -voice filled with disgust-

Eric: -hisses- I've done....nothing? Nothing Sookie? -is shaking with reserved anger- I've ignored my business, my bonds and my responsibilities just to spend time with you. I've given you my blood twice now..I even -sneers- sent you flowers. If you are expecting me to grovel like some humanized main streamer like Bill Compton then you must be prepared for a life of disappointment as it is..I'm out of patience with this outburst. -fully fangy and snarling-

Sookie: -glaring- I never asked you to ignore anything. Hell I only asked you to stay once! One time. You call me, you come see me I don't twist your arm to spend time with you. So don't throw the blame on me. Do you even care that I said I'm sorry or that I still said I wasn't his? NO! It's not that you care or want me, it's just you don't want Bill to have me!

Eric: -hissing through gritted teeth- Bill Compton does not deserve you!

Sookie: -takes a step forward even more annoyed- One, that's not YOUR decision! That's mine! Two, listen to me, I told him NO! -takes a deep breath and closes my eyes, trying to calm myself and saying a little calmer- I told him no. I made a mistake.

Eric: -eyes flash with a different kind of anger- he forced you?

Sookie: -rolls my eyes- No. Bill didn't force me -smh and exhausted from yelling- I don't know what happened...I was stupid. But when he tried to force himself as ... when he tried to make it seem like I was still his, I said no. -tears in my eyes- I still care about him...-blinking away the tears- I...i just made a mistake. -hanging my head-

Eric: -calms himself, looks to the ground as she cries tears that are not for him- you are only human.

Sookie: -collapsing on the ground- I told him no and he was so angry... -sobbing- He said I was choosing you over him...

Eric: -speaks to her from his distance, his voice softer- he's lost you..

Sookie: -letting his words sink in while I cry- He lost me even before what happened in Jackson -feeling even more guilt about what I have done- I just don't think any of us realized it... -racked with guilt and confusion and pain-

Eric: -is confused- before....Jackson?

Sookie: -takes a deep breath and nods- Yes, before Jackson...-trying to avoid putting into words what I don't want to admit to myself-

Eric: -takes a tentative step toward her- why Sookie...

Sookie: -refusing to look at him and just shakes my head- Nevermind... -getting to my feet and attempting to go hide in the bathroom-

Eric: -closes the distance, blocks her from the bathroom- say it Sookie..

Sookie: -looks into your eyes, pleading for you not to make me- You know why... -looking away-

Eric: -softly- then why do you resist me?

Sookie: -barely whispering- Because what's the point when you don't feel the same way? -frowning- I don't want to be someone's prize

Eric: -brushes her hair from her face- but you are a prize Sookie..one any man would feel honored to have.

Sookie: -sighs- And just prove my point -embarrassed and smh- Just forget it. Go back to being mad at me. -turning away-

Eric: -turns her back around and kisses her hard and fangy-

Sookie: -shocked at first and still, but then relaxing into the kiss, I pull myself closer, before pausing and pulling away- Eric? -my eyes searching his for an answer-

Eric: -blue eyes half lidded, the desire for her obvious- what is it Sookie...-voice just above a whisper-

Sookie: -touching his face, softly tracing his jawline- What do you want? -pauses and clarifies- I mean, is it just me or do you feel the same? -letting my other hand rest on his chest-

Eric: do you want to be mine Sookie?

Sookie: -stares into your eyes, noting how you never seem to answer my questions- I want....-raising on my tiptoes and kissing your cool lips softly- I want to see where this is going...but only if that's what you want.

Eric: -whispers a cool breath against her lips- yes....-kisses her again-

Sookie: -a small smile on my lips as they part from his, our lips brushing against one another as I nod- Yes. -pressing my body to his as my mouth explores his hungrily, overcome by my desire to feel our bodies together-

Eric: -takes her up in his arms and heads to the shower with her, pulling the curtain behind them-

The Human Behind the Bar Maid

I should actually be sleeping instead of listening to the radio and typing on the laptop. Late nights are not uncommon for this simple Sookie. Unlike the character I play on Twitter RP my late nights rarely involve Vampires. They generally involve homework or working on a website or even just doing my job as an Moderator for my RP and lurking.

Why did I join Twitter RP? This seems to be a very common question that I assume we not only ask ourselves but each other constantly. Honestly, I stumbled across it a little more than a month ago. Since then I have witnessed the good, the bad and the ugly and I'm sure there are extremes in each of those areas I have yet to discover.

I stumbled across the idea of Twitter RP while doing research for a book I am in the process of writing. I never really got the appeal of Twitter. I had an account, but I doubt I really used it. I created my account and of course I chose the character I knew best...Sookie. I have read all the books several times...in fact I even have audio copies of them to listen to while I make the hour long drive to Northwestern State University in Natchitoches, LA. Yes, that is correct I live in Louisiana. Central Louisiana to be exact and let me tell you, Charlaine Harris paints a pretty picture, but it is way too idolistic for my taste.

It took me a day to get my bearings. I was completely sure of the rules and I'm sure I stepped on a few toes that first day. Hell, I still don't know all the rules. -laughing- I started befriending people and I wound up making a Sam account so I wasn't always alone at work and with those accounts I started to make connections and reach out. I, of course wasn't aware of the lurkers, stalkers and of course our favorite drama llamas. I also didn't know that as I was forced to make a decoy Bill and Eric to protect my Sookie from uncomfortable advances from a determined player, that someone was watching and observing me. I know that sounds paranoid but I am not being paranoid. She has since mentioned watching me....To Be Continued...

Sookie's Tears

Today has definitely been eventful. Most days I would pray for something new, but today I have been praying for it all to go away. I fell asleep with so much despair in my heart, I'm shocked to say I didn't dream of anything. Eric never made it last night. To say I am disappointed would be such an understatement that I might just hit you for trying to say it.

*Anger, loneliness, sadness, despair, disappointment and rage swirling within my head like a freaking time bomb ready to go off*

Oh I love that song! "Time Bomb" by Beck

*Trying to shake my thoughts clear, but sleep is definitely beginning to call my name*

I awoke to a, BIG SHOCK, empty bed. I also awoke to find I had twenty minutes to get to work. It wasn't until I drove into work fifteen minutes late that I realized I was actually forty-five minutes early.

*If anyone needs a calculator for all that, let me dumb down for you. I thought I had to be there at 9, but found out at 9:15, I was due in until 10.*

Honestly, I swear it was simple enough for me to understand but some people...

Sam, of course just laughed it off, especially since he wanted to have a chat with me. I was worried if I had done something wrong, but I didn't think I had. So I uneasily sat in the chair in front of his desk waiting for the blow. A blow that never came (unfortunately at the time I didn't realize this was going to be my only lucky break of the day). Instead Sam wanted to offer me a chance to become his partner. I was so excited. Though I must admit, I may have the $50,000 in the bank...

*OMG The bank! I forgot to stop at the bank. How could I forget something so important?!

URGH

I have more than enough in the bank from my time employed by the late Queen of Louisiana *Grimace* and from my late cousin, Claudine

*Tears welling up and spilling over. It's all my fault she and her baby died. Was my life really worth BOTH of theirs?*

Get it together Sookie!

I planned on going to the bank after work *Obviously that NEVER happened*. Work itself was actually turning out great. Armed with the news of becoming a partner in the bar and the fact we actually had customers, all in all, work was great.

*Nope, I'm wrong. Rewind and try again*

It's going to be a long night.

Drake text me while I was doing my opening routine. He wanted to see me. I said sure, though I should have just told him no. I mean hell, the last two times he blew me off. This time he came to me, he drove up to work *HONKED for me to come out* and texted me that he wanted to get the necklace and bracelet from me that he made and given to me earlier this week.

*Luckily I had them on me, or this would have been an awkward visit...oh wait it was!*

Some people are just mean.

I handled the situation with poise and grace. I walked out to his car, took off the jewelry, handed it over and then walked back to the bar. Sam must have been concerned because he walked outside after me and he stayed for quite some time. The next thing I know Drake is texting me apologizing and telling me they were outside on the ledge.

*I mean, HELLO. Can we say "mood swing"?*

All of this started out of the blue and ended just as quickly. The next thing I know, Drake is sitting at the bar drinking a True Blood and waving hello. I pretty much gave up on trying to figure out that situation.

The jukebox was jamming and the other barmaids and I were dancing around while tending our tables and the residents seem to be accepting Sam and enjoying the new establishment. Crystal had been late...

*Come to think of it I don't know why she was late. She never even came home last night. Shaking my head*

I guess her and Felton had finally made up.

I will never be a favorite of his. Most of it has do with the fact my brother and Crystal have been...hmmm friendly.

*Friendly my tanned rear end. They probably mated like rabbits, monkeys or some other kind of animal that enjoys sex so much it re-populates exponentially *

I didn't notice when Felton entered the bar. I was enjoying being at work. The music was playing loud enough to help block out much of the thoughts of the patrons all around me. Then I felt a surge of hate and I looked up to see Felton glaring at me and then he started cussing about me. I was startled. I hadn't done anything to provoke him. Well, damn it that just pissed me off!

I stomped over and glared right back. I should have tried for some self-control, but the next thing I know I'm saying "Don't make me call wildlife control". The customers closest to us got quiet and I could "hear" Sam thinking about the bat he stores under the bar to break up fights.

Then the jerk opened his mouth and told me to go find a Vampire to fuck. Well, that just pissed me off worse. It's bad enough getting judged for how you look and how much money you have, but to insult someones love life? I mean, come on.

So what did I do? I bit my lip and walked away. Are you believing me? Good, don't. I of course shot off with "I'd rather find a Vamp (capitalize the V) than some pathetic mangy street cat." Not a very smart thing to do to a pure blood Were Panther, I know, I know. I could feel the fury rolling off him in waves as he replied "I'd rather be a street cat, than a fucking fangbanger."

This had me outraged. True, I have been with two (count them: one, two) Vampires. But that doesn't make me one of those pathetic wannabes who hang around Vamps all the time dressed in all black, praying to be changed, when in all reality they will most likely be drained. So after my pride was wounded, I replied with "Yes, but do you know what they do with strays who don't have a home. They put them down." Well, let's just say, that didn't help calm his anger. Nope *Shaking my head* Not one bit.

By this point in time Sam was by my side and I could feel his brain twitching and trying to decide if he should shift or not. Felton came back with a stupid remark about rather being put down than see me again. Sam, as calm as he could muster warned him to not be disrespectful to me or anyone else in the bar. He, of course, proceeded to ignore Sam. So I told him clear as day "Get of MY bar. We don't allow dogs in the establishment." Not very clever, but to a "Big powerful Were Panther"

*I'd make fun of not being scared, but I'm scared of all Were animals, they can beat me in a fight, hands down...or is it paws?*

Anywho

...this was a major insult. So what did he do? If you guessed apologized and walked out of the bar with his tail between his legs (Perfect!)...then you are WRONG. He proceeded to call me a Fangbanger Prostitute! So of course I slapped him. As soon as my hand made contact and you could hear that loud Thrawk echo through the bar, it was like all the tension that had been building up, snapped like a big rubber band.

Sam fully shifted into a beautiful and fierce looking lion. Crystal started freaking out, yelling at Sam and blaming me for everything! I couldn't believe it. I had not come in saying obscenities about someone JUST because I saw them. She then convinced Felton to go outside and leave. Luckily Felton never noticed Jason inching closer to help if there was a fight. If he had, he surely would have fully changed and blood would have been spilled.

*Shivers running down my spine*

Some of it would have been mine...

Angry and tense beyond belief, I proceeded to head into the Ladies room. I was just...well I was just MAD. Mad at Felton for being an ass. Mad at Drake for being a confusing jerk. Mad at Crystal for being so caught up in her "LOVE" for Felton that she thought it was ok for him to start to shift to attack another person, especially me, HER BEST FRIEND! Mad at Eric for not being there for me lately. Mad that he hadn't called or even texted. Mad that I awoke every morning, alone in my bed. Mad my grandmother, parents, aunt, cousin, and Claudine were dead. Mad that it was all my fault. Mad that I was never going to have babies! The next thing I had hit the wall...Literally and figuratively.

*Looking at my hand and wincing from the pain*

Ok, now I'm just getting hysterical.

I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my purse and headed out to my car. Jason ran out to check on me and decided to tag alone. I didn't know where I was going (I should have gone to the DAMN BANK) and then I decided I wanted to drown my sorrows. We headed into O'Conner's Pub and I ordered shots of tequila for me and a pitcher of beer for Jason. I'm not a big drinker, probably from working at a bar and seeing what it does to people, but I needed to do something and I'd already hurt my hand!

The strangest thing happened while I was there. I started feeling prickling at my head, almost like when a Vampire tries to glamour me. I looked in the direction it was coming from and it was Drake's waitress, Lillian. But she wasn't trying to glamour me. I don't know what she was doing, but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Jason took me home and promised to have Hoyt drop of my car. I took a shower and it was the most amazing thing for me. If I had to rank it on a list of all time favorite showers, it would have been #2.

*Flash back to my #1 favorite shower. My first time with Eric...sigh*

That's a completely different topic.

I was so mentally, emotionally and physically drained, that I just climbed into bed completely naked. I heard a whine at my front door and grabbed my robe and saw Sam, I mean Dean, looking up at me with his beautiful eyes. I guess he was concerned about me, because he refused to leave when I said I was going to take a nap. So I allowed him to sleep at the foot of my bed and though I told him not to watch me get into bed...I think he peeked!

I fell asleep and dreamt of Eric. My dreams had me slowly drifting into a happy place and when I was awaken by a cool touch I felt my heart leap. I felt a body close to mine and snuggled closer. I told him I missed him and felt his lips graze my neck, I was definitely becoming excited. He then lifted me and kissed my in such a movement all I noticed

All Dressed Up and No One to Notice

Have you ever had one of those days where you had all these big plans and by the end of the day you were disappointed at every turn?

Maybe it's just me, but today just started off bad from the start. I woke up and of course the spot where my, well damn it, what is Eric (@Viking_Sheriff) to me? It just seems to degrade his status in my life by calling him my boyfriend. Of course, he is no boy, by any standards.

*Lusty thoughts rushing forward*

Oops!

*Shaking my head in an attempt to clear it*

I apologize.

*Embarrassed by my lack of self control*

So, where was I? Oh yeah, what do I call Eric? My Husband? No, definitely not. I know it gets on his nerves and hurts his feelings, but simply handing over a knife is not an act of entering into marriage. Well, not one I acknowledge, anyways.

*Shaking my head, begrudgingly and thinking: Not like he asked me anyways! Grimace, quickly followed by guilt and shame*

Lover? Heavens no! I guess I will just go with the way of the Vampire (it's important to remember to always capatilize that V! *Rolling my eyes*) and state it as clear as day:

Eric is Mine

Now that I have worked out that little problem. Where was I? Oh yeah. I awoke to an empty bed.I know this is hazard of dating a Vamp (capital V, remember that *Wink*) and not having a light tight room for us to share. Which I might add having one would be just as awful for me as it would be for him if he were to stay in my non-Light Tight room after sunrise. I love the sun streaming in through the windows. Anyways, let's get back on track. I'm not stupid and this is definitely the first or last time I will awake alone *Sighing heavily*. But for some reason, this morning, seeing the other side of the bed left me feeling depressed and lonely. Add on top of all that internal turmoil, today was the grand opening for Merlotte's. In order to support Sam (@Sam_Merlotte_TB), Crystal (@HotShotChickTB, Isabella (@wereisabella), Blondy (@blondy2000) and I all showed up early to help unload the truck and make sure everything was ready.

We actually had a great time. By the end, we were all dancing in front of the bar while listening to "Bad Things" on the jukebox. But then it hit us. We opened and not one single person showed up. After a few hours, Sam allowed us to leave early. We were sad because no one showed up but thrilled because we all got to go shopping at Tara's Togs. I found the sexy blue lingerie you see above, for my Eric. I was so nervous shopping, hoping he would enjoy it on me and then enjoy taking it off me.

*frown*

As Crystal and I headed home (Oh I forgot, I told Crystal she could move in), we had a discussion about Eric and I. Let's just say it brought some things to light that I was already starting to worry about. But that's another day's discussion. I was all prepared to relax and pamper myself some before getting ready for Eric, but I kept getting interrupted. First, Crystal and Felton got into it, because...well honestly it doesn't matter why. That's their business and who am I to spread it? Anyways, I ran outside because I heard him growling and starting to shift. Fortunately, he didn't, but the jerk had the nerve to growl at me. I swear I was tempted to call the pound and see if they'd put him down for me!

*chuckling*

Then as I finished running my bath water and pouring me a glass of wine, Bill stopped by. He's decided he is ok with Eric and I being together and said we could be friends. The thing that bothered me was his coldness and I absolutely hate that. I sometimes wish I could read his mind. Anyways, he left as quickly as he showed up, leaving me to my simple vices.

The bath was relaxing. Afterwards I slipped into my surprise for Eric (see picture above) and sprawled out on the bed, reading while I waited. It was only holding on to the thought of seeing him tonight that kept me from drowning in my sorrows over not only today's events but the confliction of feelings I have. But now I am sitting here, all dressed up and there isn't anyone to appreciate or enjoy it. Not even I can. A million questions running through my mind and all I want to do is curl up and cry...