Sookie's Tears

Today has definitely been eventful. Most days I would pray for something new, but today I have been praying for it all to go away. I fell asleep with so much despair in my heart, I'm shocked to say I didn't dream of anything. Eric never made it last night. To say I am disappointed would be such an understatement that I might just hit you for trying to say it.

*Anger, loneliness, sadness, despair, disappointment and rage swirling within my head like a freaking time bomb ready to go off*

Oh I love that song! "Time Bomb" by Beck

*Trying to shake my thoughts clear, but sleep is definitely beginning to call my name*

I awoke to a, BIG SHOCK, empty bed. I also awoke to find I had twenty minutes to get to work. It wasn't until I drove into work fifteen minutes late that I realized I was actually forty-five minutes early.

*If anyone needs a calculator for all that, let me dumb down for you. I thought I had to be there at 9, but found out at 9:15, I was due in until 10.*

Honestly, I swear it was simple enough for me to understand but some people...

Sam, of course just laughed it off, especially since he wanted to have a chat with me. I was worried if I had done something wrong, but I didn't think I had. So I uneasily sat in the chair in front of his desk waiting for the blow. A blow that never came (unfortunately at the time I didn't realize this was going to be my only lucky break of the day). Instead Sam wanted to offer me a chance to become his partner. I was so excited. Though I must admit, I may have the $50,000 in the bank...

*OMG The bank! I forgot to stop at the bank. How could I forget something so important?!

URGH

I have more than enough in the bank from my time employed by the late Queen of Louisiana *Grimace* and from my late cousin, Claudine

*Tears welling up and spilling over. It's all my fault she and her baby died. Was my life really worth BOTH of theirs?*

Get it together Sookie!

I planned on going to the bank after work *Obviously that NEVER happened*. Work itself was actually turning out great. Armed with the news of becoming a partner in the bar and the fact we actually had customers, all in all, work was great.

*Nope, I'm wrong. Rewind and try again*

It's going to be a long night.

Drake text me while I was doing my opening routine. He wanted to see me. I said sure, though I should have just told him no. I mean hell, the last two times he blew me off. This time he came to me, he drove up to work *HONKED for me to come out* and texted me that he wanted to get the necklace and bracelet from me that he made and given to me earlier this week.

*Luckily I had them on me, or this would have been an awkward visit...oh wait it was!*

Some people are just mean.

I handled the situation with poise and grace. I walked out to his car, took off the jewelry, handed it over and then walked back to the bar. Sam must have been concerned because he walked outside after me and he stayed for quite some time. The next thing I know Drake is texting me apologizing and telling me they were outside on the ledge.

*I mean, HELLO. Can we say "mood swing"?*

All of this started out of the blue and ended just as quickly. The next thing I know, Drake is sitting at the bar drinking a True Blood and waving hello. I pretty much gave up on trying to figure out that situation.

The jukebox was jamming and the other barmaids and I were dancing around while tending our tables and the residents seem to be accepting Sam and enjoying the new establishment. Crystal had been late...

*Come to think of it I don't know why she was late. She never even came home last night. Shaking my head*

I guess her and Felton had finally made up.

I will never be a favorite of his. Most of it has do with the fact my brother and Crystal have been...hmmm friendly.

*Friendly my tanned rear end. They probably mated like rabbits, monkeys or some other kind of animal that enjoys sex so much it re-populates exponentially *

I didn't notice when Felton entered the bar. I was enjoying being at work. The music was playing loud enough to help block out much of the thoughts of the patrons all around me. Then I felt a surge of hate and I looked up to see Felton glaring at me and then he started cussing about me. I was startled. I hadn't done anything to provoke him. Well, damn it that just pissed me off!

I stomped over and glared right back. I should have tried for some self-control, but the next thing I know I'm saying "Don't make me call wildlife control". The customers closest to us got quiet and I could "hear" Sam thinking about the bat he stores under the bar to break up fights.

Then the jerk opened his mouth and told me to go find a Vampire to fuck. Well, that just pissed me off worse. It's bad enough getting judged for how you look and how much money you have, but to insult someones love life? I mean, come on.

So what did I do? I bit my lip and walked away. Are you believing me? Good, don't. I of course shot off with "I'd rather find a Vamp (capitalize the V) than some pathetic mangy street cat." Not a very smart thing to do to a pure blood Were Panther, I know, I know. I could feel the fury rolling off him in waves as he replied "I'd rather be a street cat, than a fucking fangbanger."

This had me outraged. True, I have been with two (count them: one, two) Vampires. But that doesn't make me one of those pathetic wannabes who hang around Vamps all the time dressed in all black, praying to be changed, when in all reality they will most likely be drained. So after my pride was wounded, I replied with "Yes, but do you know what they do with strays who don't have a home. They put them down." Well, let's just say, that didn't help calm his anger. Nope *Shaking my head* Not one bit.

By this point in time Sam was by my side and I could feel his brain twitching and trying to decide if he should shift or not. Felton came back with a stupid remark about rather being put down than see me again. Sam, as calm as he could muster warned him to not be disrespectful to me or anyone else in the bar. He, of course, proceeded to ignore Sam. So I told him clear as day "Get of MY bar. We don't allow dogs in the establishment." Not very clever, but to a "Big powerful Were Panther"

*I'd make fun of not being scared, but I'm scared of all Were animals, they can beat me in a fight, hands down...or is it paws?*

Anywho

...this was a major insult. So what did he do? If you guessed apologized and walked out of the bar with his tail between his legs (Perfect!)...then you are WRONG. He proceeded to call me a Fangbanger Prostitute! So of course I slapped him. As soon as my hand made contact and you could hear that loud Thrawk echo through the bar, it was like all the tension that had been building up, snapped like a big rubber band.

Sam fully shifted into a beautiful and fierce looking lion. Crystal started freaking out, yelling at Sam and blaming me for everything! I couldn't believe it. I had not come in saying obscenities about someone JUST because I saw them. She then convinced Felton to go outside and leave. Luckily Felton never noticed Jason inching closer to help if there was a fight. If he had, he surely would have fully changed and blood would have been spilled.

*Shivers running down my spine*

Some of it would have been mine...

Angry and tense beyond belief, I proceeded to head into the Ladies room. I was just...well I was just MAD. Mad at Felton for being an ass. Mad at Drake for being a confusing jerk. Mad at Crystal for being so caught up in her "LOVE" for Felton that she thought it was ok for him to start to shift to attack another person, especially me, HER BEST FRIEND! Mad at Eric for not being there for me lately. Mad that he hadn't called or even texted. Mad that I awoke every morning, alone in my bed. Mad my grandmother, parents, aunt, cousin, and Claudine were dead. Mad that it was all my fault. Mad that I was never going to have babies! The next thing I had hit the wall...Literally and figuratively.

*Looking at my hand and wincing from the pain*

Ok, now I'm just getting hysterical.

I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my purse and headed out to my car. Jason ran out to check on me and decided to tag alone. I didn't know where I was going (I should have gone to the DAMN BANK) and then I decided I wanted to drown my sorrows. We headed into O'Conner's Pub and I ordered shots of tequila for me and a pitcher of beer for Jason. I'm not a big drinker, probably from working at a bar and seeing what it does to people, but I needed to do something and I'd already hurt my hand!

The strangest thing happened while I was there. I started feeling prickling at my head, almost like when a Vampire tries to glamour me. I looked in the direction it was coming from and it was Drake's waitress, Lillian. But she wasn't trying to glamour me. I don't know what she was doing, but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Jason took me home and promised to have Hoyt drop of my car. I took a shower and it was the most amazing thing for me. If I had to rank it on a list of all time favorite showers, it would have been #2.

*Flash back to my #1 favorite shower. My first time with Eric...sigh*

That's a completely different topic.

I was so mentally, emotionally and physically drained, that I just climbed into bed completely naked. I heard a whine at my front door and grabbed my robe and saw Sam, I mean Dean, looking up at me with his beautiful eyes. I guess he was concerned about me, because he refused to leave when I said I was going to take a nap. So I allowed him to sleep at the foot of my bed and though I told him not to watch me get into bed...I think he peeked!

I fell asleep and dreamt of Eric. My dreams had me slowly drifting into a happy place and when I was awaken by a cool touch I felt my heart leap. I felt a body close to mine and snuggled closer. I told him I missed him and felt his lips graze my neck, I was definitely becoming excited. He then lifted me and kissed my in such a movement all I noticed